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Breaking Free from Comparison Mentality

When is the last time you noticed another person’s situation, and found yourself comparing yours to theirs? You see their picture or story on a social media about their great life as they renovate their home, brag about their kids or their husband just bought them flowers for no reason. Then your thoughts can turn to how you are a bit inferior, not where you should be in life, or just unfortunate. On the other hand, it could be about the struggles of others, such as a financial loss, physical ailment, or a divorce. In that direction, you can find yourself thinking that while you are sad for them, you have some level of relief that you are not going through that scenario.

It’s natural to compare yourself to others but what is natural for us is not always good for us. Here are some of the things you lose when you compare yourself to others and how to break free from it.

You lose contentment. It’s pretty much impossible to be content and “OK” with your situation, when you compare. Think about it, when you evaluate yourself by others’ situations, you can only be as content as your ranking. If you determine that you have less “whatever” than most of your friends, you will rank yourself in the bottom half, which can lead to a lack of contentment, feelings of being one down, and even resentful. And even if you’re on the “top half” in some area, you must maintain that ranking to be OK. That is a pressure can be overwhelming. Moving from comparing yourself to others to monitoring your growth from where you have been to where you are going will help break free of the comparison pressure and help you be your true self.

You lose control. Comparisons take time, energy and focus away from what we can control, and hands your life over to others to control as its based on your comparison ranking. On a daily basis, you have some amount of control over your choices and decisions such as how you will live your day, who you will spend the time with, how you engage in work, and what passion you will follow. All of these are worth your time, energy and focus. But you have zero control over other people’s choices even if you have some influence on them. Comparisons keep you with your nose to the window, so to speak, wishing you could have what the other has, and not investing instead in a good life for yourself. So put that finite time, energy and focus into what you can do something about.

You lose others. When we compare, healthy people are turned off. They do not like to be around the envy, jealousy and resentment that a comparing person expresses. They want to talk about what you and they are actually doing, with no rankings and yardsticks about others. Notice how much of your conversations and thoughts in a day is about the fortunes of others, and if it is a significant percentage, start changing your conversations to remove the comparisons. This will help bring you closer to friends.

You have enough to do, to keep yourself busy and productive without comparisons. Focus on being the best you that you can be.

If you are struggling with this, we are here to help you become a healthier you. Call today for your appointment.


Registered Psychotherapist

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