Summer is here and we are in the midst of the wedding season with brides hoping to have a great day. And in a few months to a few years there is a possibility that people will be wondering what went wrong. The end of a relationship often starts long before the wedding day or even the proposal because of the snowball effect.
What is the snowball effect?
The snowball effect of a relationship is when people use the relationship to make themselves happy. How that plays out is a single person starts to believe the only way they can be happy is to be in a relationship. Once they are in a relationship, they might notice that its not the best fit and have doubts but instead of addressing them they then say it will get better if we get engaged…get married…buy our first house together…have kids. The list looks a little different for everyone, but the pattern is when they are always looking for the next event or life stage to fix the relationship or make them happy.
Doubts should be listened to!
We are beautifully created with a body and mind that try hard to protect us and help us find joy. If you are having doubts about your relationship, then its time to slow down and give yourself permission to think it through. Because the next stage in a relationship often brings more difficulties not less.
Doubts do not mean breakup
It good to remember that doubts do not necessarily mean a breakup. They are indicators that something is irritating you which creates an opportunity for both you and your partner to work on it together to make the relationship better. This could be as simple as letting your partner know how you are feeling and how it is affecting you. Other things that are great to do to prevent issues are premarital therapy or a parenting class to help bring to light subjects that might be difficult to bring up on your own.
Being a healthy individual who is content and joyful about your own life will result in better relationships. Finding happiness is about you liking yourself and enjoying your life. Wherever baggage you are carrying will end up amplified in your relationship. Take some time to grow and heal so that you can be the best possible you for your relationship. We at HELPPS think it is a privilege to help you and we pride ourselves on being able to help individuals and couples grow healthier. Contact us to make your appointment today.
Trish Pauls, MA RP