Fall in love with your spouse again

July 18, 2016


Recently I reconnected with a friend I had not seen in two years.  As we talked it felt good to slide back into that familiar easy flow of conversation.  Then as it progressed, I started noticing differences - in me and in my friend.  Two years can change a person a lot depending on the circumstances and there were some different views that had developed as we had both grown, so it became a fun time of getting to know each other again.

What if the person who you have become disconnected to is sitting on the couch with you every night?  You share the same house and kids but as you look over you think, they don’t know me anymore.  Even in the midst of the busyness of life surrounded by people, you realise that you are lonely.


Connection is the essence of life.  We crave having someone beside us to live through life’s ups and downs together - our safe haven.  Someone who knows us intimately and can understand us.  When we feel lonely in our marriage, we have somehow lost that connection to our spouse.  


There is hope!  Love is flexible, durable, and repairable.


Staying connected takes work.  It takes time to stop and ask each other about a topic or feeling.  Often we become entrenched in the conversations that keep life going like, “honey, can you pick up the milk on the way home?” or “who is taking the kids to soccer?” This can cause us to stop noticing each other.  So conversations with work buddies become more interesting than with our spouse.


The absolute joy of my job is watching couples fall back in love again.  Do you remember that time when you were first together, wanting to be with your love and not being able to wait to share the joy or sorrow in your day?  That is possible again.  It starts with a baby step: time.  Carve out time in your schedule that is just for the two of you.  This is time to connect again so don’t talk about the kids or household stuff.  Ask questions.  Listen. Enjoy.


Sometimes the conversation is hard to start so here are some simple conversation starters:


1.    What was the best thing that happen to you this week?
2.    Which holiday did you like the best? Why that one?
3.    My funniest memory when we were dating was…
4.    I used to always wish I could…
5.    If you could spend 24 hours doing anything in the world what would it be?


You can feel connected and loved again.  


If you are struggling finding your way back to each other, professional support is available.  Please do not live with the pain any longer, call today and book your appointment 226-476-3203.


Trish Pauls, MA RP
Registered Psychotherapist

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